Loving Hidayah.

We pray, we recite the Qoran, and we respect others. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Certainly, we never feel that all those things are enough. Not, not even any single of what we did is enough to pay back what Allah has given to us. No.

I'm reminding myself as well. Our iman always changing. The position of our iman actually, depends on how we undergo life. The existance of iman can't be denied because of the present of feeling and emotion.

Sometime or maybe even once in our life, we will be in the most happiness moment and sometimes we would be in a situation where our heart is breaking into pieces- hopeless, sadness and pathetic.

All those thing happen, because Allah's will. Allah chooses us. We are the one that own the choices in selecting the correct path. Let us hold our iman. Hold it tightly, with the full trust and love to Allah. Only Allah.

I want to share some stories. Those experiences touch my heart, open up my mind and eyes. I start to believe that Allah knows best. And- my tears drop in every sujud and each time I say 'hamdalah'.

1~~

A cute chinese teenager. I know about her via my friend that I look upon him as my brother. He asked me to help and guide her in learning, knowing, exploring and how to love Islam. I was very touched by her courage to be a muslim. She asked me so many thing about Islam until I started to question myself, am I a true muslim? She wants to wear a scarf, she wants to cover her aurat, she wants to pray and recite the Qoran. It just likes putting mountains onto my shoulders and I realized that I should appreciate the hidayah that Allah has rewarded to me.

She always visited my room and took the chances to ask me so many questions. I banging my own iman and trying to stop from dreaming. I should not make myself busy with 'dunia thing'. (What should I say in English?)But she, she never give up hopes eventhough her family and friends never agree with her to become a muslim.

I was with her for only a year. I hate myself for not be able to help her for saying 'syahadah' before I really2 leave her. Until now, I just can recite the prayer and until I meet again with her, she would be a full time muslimah. Insya Allah, Amin.

Let us pray together.

2~~

I did not aware of her before. But after a junior of mine asked me to 'take care' about her, I was very excited to know her. A well known PA (Pengajian Agama/ Islamic Studies) student asked me to do that and that's made me more curious and excited.

I asked him why?
He just said that, "I trust u Kak, please help her. Please keep the best pearl in Islam. She has the potential to continue the tarbiah that each of us should reserve for new coming generation"
I was speechless.
From that day, I became so close to that girl. At the first time, she felt uneasy because of my attention until one day, I got her message.
" Salam Kak, how r u?"
Alhamdulillah, I had gained her trust and yes we become more friendly.
Day by day, I could say that I wasn't good enough to change/transform her to become a real muslimah. Hey, who am I to say those words?? Even I am not qualified to be called as muslimah.

Ya Allah, please guide me. Don't throw the sense of 'takbur' in my soul. Please ya Allah. I'm begging to you.....



"Make her solehah"
I received a piece of paper that written the short sentence. Again, I wanted to cry. And again, the only word that came across my mind was 'Alhamdulillah'. It just not only “making” her to be solehah, but me myself. I should correct my own mistakes and be a better muslimah. Subhanallah.

Alhamdulilah Ya Allah for choosing me to know more about Islam. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for choosing me to be close with certain people that indirectly teach me how to appreciate hidayah. Alhamdulillah.

And for them, my two little sisters, Let us pray for them.

Friends, hidayah is not always being with us if we do not realize its value. Allah SWT has the right to take it back and for sure, we will lose the desire of being loved by Allah.
Nau'zubillah...

Friends, all praises to Allah.

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar
*Let say together.

Thinking about books!

When you want to buy a book, what is the first criterion that you want to find out? Maybe the theme, content and also the title of the book itself. Yes! Nowadays readers are attracted to the title of the book and just then, they decide to buy it. The title of the book plays important role in catching the reader’s attention. Can you imagine how we are going to choose a book to read when we are standing in a huge book store that has thousand of books? I’m talking about the ‘common’ reader that is, a reader that only has the aim of finishing the book and uses the minimum power of thinking. Mostly, they like to read book that is not carries any serious issue and just for relaxing their mind. For example, a love story and something like that. We call it ‘karya picisan’ in Malay.

Some of the readers nowadays like to read, digest the information, argue the main issues and create their own ideology in facing life. Conspicuously, the interpretation of every reader is different. That is why we can organize many talks that discuss about certain books. For example, some friends of mine already have their own talk show program in university and also at any mall and mostly at DBP’s building. The discussion about their book and.. that is so wonderful! You write the book and the respective people such as the famous novel author and also professor are trying to elaborate and explaining to the whole people about the things that you have written… (cool!)

Maybe you might think that I like to dream so often. Haha, yeah right! The fact is, I am just a young writer that only has a very little experience about writing. I would like to say that, I’m not yet qualified to standing beside the other writer nowadays. Honestly, I am very proud to see my friend giving out many ideas and opinions about the current issue and sometimes they also talk about the human’s right from different perspectives. And the best thing is politic. They talk to each other and when people see their writing, the people might think that they are reading the writing of an adult. Most of them are younger than me! Wow…

Just now, I’ve read some comments from my friends’ photos. Photos of their novel front page. When I read the description under the photos, I just gulping my saliva and stop breathing. Wow! They choose the issues that are really ‘heavy’ for some readers. They are very creative and have the courage to change the paradigm of society. For example, we might think about riot, sadness and conflict of religion when someone talks about NATRAH. A friend of mine says, he offers a new perspective of this tragedy by publishing his new novel, “Namaku Bukan Maria” (My name isn’t Maria). Even though I’m not reading his novel yet, I’m sure his idealism will bring a different choices and way to be a better thinker. This is my first impression about his new novel after I was truly satisfied with his previous novel, that is, “Punya Cinta Ramadhan”. Congratz to you Ustaz Azman!

Erm, waiting for my first novel has made me feel that I’m not qualified enough to be like one of them. – {Writers that write and have the strength to change other’s mind to be more positive.} Wow..

Let just pray….

Peace!

New Way To Express Myself...

It has been very long time for me, since the last day I left my Penang. Alhamdulillah, I try my best to type as many words as I can because deep inside my heart, I really miss the moment of writing. No matter what kind of writing, I just want to write ,write and write. It just like, kind of weird thing when I write this post in English. It just like, this is not the real me when I use English Language but the fact is, I am going to be an English teacher. For the past 2 years, I managed this blog and for all the readers and followers, yes, I was using Malay Language in every single post.



Reflecting on my enthusiasm about ‘Bahasa Melayu’, I could smile for the whole day. When seeing our own name on any newspapers and magazines, the satisfaction is really meaningful. It just like something that you can’t say it with any words. The only thing that you can do is just keep smiling until anyone of your friends pass through and ask you, “hey wassup with u gal?” And then you have the reason to tell them about your masterpiece. Haha, it sounds a little bit show off but that the excitement of writing.

The memory of getting to know that my first poem was going to be recited by someone still never fade away from my mind. I put on the earphones of my MP4 and waited patiently for the clock to strike sharply 10pm. Coz you know what? My poem would be recited on air by IKIM.fm. During the recitation, my tears could not be stopped anymore and my pillow was totally wet! (I’m just exaggerating actually..hehe).

The other precious moment about writing in my life was when receiving honorarium. For all the teacher’s trainee, I think you will agree with me if I say that the allowance during the foundation year is not really sufficient for us to really undergo life, especially in the state like Penang! Alhamdulillah, I had never asked for money from my parents during my foundation year. Alhamdulillah, and extra credits go to writing.

Well, that was 2 years ago. But now, I can say that I do not know myself anymore. I have tried my best to find the kick start. The kick start for me to write again. After about 1 year struggling in my institute, I missed all the chances in writing. Honestly, there were many ideas that just like dancing and hip hop’ing’ around my head. But I was too careless until all of them just fly away and said, “Hey I’m going to find another writer.” Only Allah knows that I’m really disappointed toward myself. I’m the one who fail to appreciate the chances of writing and I should not blaming other factors while the factors that came to me, were actually came from me, myself. Arghhh…huhu, it was all about perception and attitude. Yeah..

Waiting for another year to start writing again, that is too late. I can feel that all my dreams are crammed in my mind. They are too compact until I do not know how to pull them out one by one. They are too complicated until I do not know how to get started anymore. Lonely, yes… I’m very lonely. I want the inspiration and motivation from my friends. Even though I and my deadpan face always make you think that I’m OK, but actually right now, I’m really weak. I want to write, but I can’t and I do not know why….sob sob sob..

Alright, OK Ok yes I know that my sentences right now are not grammatically correct but starting from today, I should shift my paradigm (dude! I really like it) towards this Language. Erm, currently, I’m facing the toughest part of my life- holiday. Holiday for me means, sleep, TV, and day dreaming. So bored.

Alhamdullilah, I’m about to have my own novel, Insya Allah. Do you still remember my post during last December. I mean on December 2009? I had posted that I had already started to write the first chapter. And now, on December 2010 (this year!) I have reached the final step of publishing it. Now, I really need your prayers and supports. Sincerely, I hope that my novel can give many benefits and also knowledge to the readers. The most important thing is, the reader can find the turning point in their life in order to be a better person. Insya Allah

2011, - I waited for so long to be in that year. This is because, I’m going to gain another priceless experience in my life, insya Allah.
Macquarie University of Sydney…I’ll be there.. Insya Allah…