Wednesday, December 8, 2010

New Way To Express Myself...

It has been very long time for me, since the last day I left my Penang. Alhamdulillah, I try my best to type as many words as I can because deep inside my heart, I really miss the moment of writing. No matter what kind of writing, I just want to write ,write and write. It just like, kind of weird thing when I write this post in English. It just like, this is not the real me when I use English Language but the fact is, I am going to be an English teacher. For the past 2 years, I managed this blog and for all the readers and followers, yes, I was using Malay Language in every single post.

Reflecting on my enthusiasm about ‘Bahasa Melayu’, I could smile for the whole day. When seeing our own name on any newspapers and magazines, the satisfaction is really meaningful. It just like something that you can’t say it with any words. The only thing that you can do is just keep smiling until anyone of your friends pass through and ask you, “hey wassup with u gal?” And then you have the reason to tell them about your masterpiece. Haha, it sounds a little bit show off but that the excitement of writing.

The memory of getting to know that my first poem was going to be recited by someone still never fade away from my mind. I put on the earphones of my MP4 and waited patiently for the clock to strike sharply 10pm. Coz you know what? My poem would be recited on air by During the recitation, my tears could not be stopped anymore and my pillow was totally wet! (I’m just exaggerating actually..hehe).

The other precious moment about writing in my life was when receiving honorarium. For all the teacher’s trainee, I think you will agree with me if I say that the allowance during the foundation year is not really sufficient for us to really undergo life, especially in the state like Penang! Alhamdulillah, I had never asked for money from my parents during my foundation year. Alhamdulillah, and extra credits go to writing.

Well, that was 2 years ago. But now, I can say that I do not know myself anymore. I have tried my best to find the kick start. The kick start for me to write again. After about 1 year struggling in my institute, I missed all the chances in writing. Honestly, there were many ideas that just like dancing and hip hop’ing’ around my head. But I was too careless until all of them just fly away and said, “Hey I’m going to find another writer.” Only Allah knows that I’m really disappointed toward myself. I’m the one who fail to appreciate the chances of writing and I should not blaming other factors while the factors that came to me, were actually came from me, myself. Arghhh…huhu, it was all about perception and attitude. Yeah..

Waiting for another year to start writing again, that is too late. I can feel that all my dreams are crammed in my mind. They are too compact until I do not know how to pull them out one by one. They are too complicated until I do not know how to get started anymore. Lonely, yes… I’m very lonely. I want the inspiration and motivation from my friends. Even though I and my deadpan face always make you think that I’m OK, but actually right now, I’m really weak. I want to write, but I can’t and I do not know why….sob sob sob..

Alright, OK Ok yes I know that my sentences right now are not grammatically correct but starting from today, I should shift my paradigm (dude! I really like it) towards this Language. Erm, currently, I’m facing the toughest part of my life- holiday. Holiday for me means, sleep, TV, and day dreaming. So bored.

Alhamdullilah, I’m about to have my own novel, Insya Allah. Do you still remember my post during last December. I mean on December 2009? I had posted that I had already started to write the first chapter. And now, on December 2010 (this year!) I have reached the final step of publishing it. Now, I really need your prayers and supports. Sincerely, I hope that my novel can give many benefits and also knowledge to the readers. The most important thing is, the reader can find the turning point in their life in order to be a better person. Insya Allah

2011, - I waited for so long to be in that year. This is because, I’m going to gain another priceless experience in my life, insya Allah.
Macquarie University of Sydney…I’ll be there.. Insya Allah…

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